Regarding Avoidance

People often wonder why things do not materialize the way they envision, even though they feel they are taking the correct steps towards their goals.  Whether you’re battling through the towering weight of depression, trying to find work/life balance, or feel overwhelmed by your two-year old’s newest antics, reacting to difficult experiences is a normal part of life.  The human brain is vast and fascinatingly adept at creating adaptive or maladaptive solutions to challenges.  But note that our biology is wired first to protect us from harm and discomfort, not to face it.  And there is no limit to the creativity avoidance can manifest with. Let’s take a look:

1.)    Imagine a child who recently entered the 7th grade.  She is newly adapting to the executive functioning demands of her grade level and struggling to keep up with all of her homework.  When she is assigned an essay on S.E. Hinton’s The Outsiders, the task feels monumental and she is overwhelmed.  Although she is deeply committed to her grades, she is also experiencing a new threshold for stress that she does not want to tolerate.  So, she Google’s “7th grade essay on The Outsiders” and eventually finds a few suitable articles.  She copies, pastes, changes a few key words and adds a sentence here and there, enough to make it less recognizable from the clone she found online, then turns it in and gets an A.  She accomplished her goal and felt much less stress, but do you think her problem will grow or shrink?

2.)    Picture a college professor who is established as a prominent researcher, but who is also terribly fearful of public speaking.  Rather than present his research at conferences, he hands the presenting duties off to eager graduate assistants, telling himself that he is providing young minds with opportunities.  He eventually begins handing off teaching his classes to his eager teaching assistants, “this way I can focus more on research,” he says.  Again, we see avoidance shrouded in a solution.  

This distinction is a crucial one, because sometimes people tell themselves they are doing something good, when in truth they may be doing something good while expanding avoidance of their life.  The mountain climber who continues to move sideways rather than address the big slope in front of them will eventually feel like they are traveling in circles.  The stressed-out young professional who re-doubles their work effort feels better for a time while their work distracts them from burnout, but ultimately, they feel stuck despite the doubled output. 

The act of facing our inner experience is brave and intentional.  It can be filled with turns, peaks, and valleys, but therapy can help you understand your inner processes.  It’s a chance to be intensely honest with yourself, and if you observe that avoidance is present in your life, therapy can be your tool to reconnect with what really matters most to you.  I’m here to take the journey with you. 

Are you ready?